tell me that you'll open your eyes

i'm thinking about going next year to exchange somewhere, but I'm afraid of losing the life I have now... what should I do?

This question wasn't really directed to me, but it got me thinking (and I know there are many people thinking about the same things, so I wanted to write about it..). Plus it's something that's been a lot on my mind as the weeks pass by.

It's a fact that, atleast to me, these are the important years. In these years we experience, we feel everything 'till the last drop, we figure out what we like to do, who we want to keep close, and most importantly who we are. Things can change so much in just one day, what about an entire year? The thought can be really frightening, but in reality, when you look at your life as a whole, one year won't make it crash. Leaving friends &family behind is hard, but you've just got to keep your head high and try to find new friends from the new country, get introduced to new habits and customs and learn new ways to see the world. You get whole new eyes to view the world with, so odds are YOU will change the most in that year. And when you go back, of course it's a new situation (i.e. when I come back, my sister's moved away, it's just me and my folks at home then --), but the fear comes when it comes. New relationships are formed everyday, and it doesn't make the old ones any less important. My tip would be that when leaving, try to make the most of the relationships you have there. The ones you leave behind have probably been there for a long long time already, but you only get one shot, one year to spend it with the new people in THEIR important years.

But I also want to say that try to experience as much here as you can. Don't leave anything hanging or that you'd have to say "what if" when you leave. I know a girl who didn't want to start anything serious with her crush because she was leaving to Japan in March... well, you can imagine what happened. That really scared the shit out of me. Anything can happen. ANYTHING. I'd hate to think that this last year here would be spent on worrying and being cautious and avoiding the pain of leaving. Come on, to me, it would seem like another year gone. So that's why I say that don't think about the pain before it's really there. I got together with my boyfriend in March, just 5 months before I leave, but I wouldn't have wanted this time here to go any other way. I know it's going to hurt to leave him, my family, my best friends, absolutely every important person of my current life behind, but I'm ready. It's going to be worth it. So who ever you are reading this post, just 1) don't be afraid, 2) make the most out of all the years of your life, 3) live your life when you have it. Tomorrow is a mistery, yesterday is history. So all you can do is carpe the heck out of this diem.

I wanted to share some of my favorite moments of this year here. I'm going to miss these moments, but most of all, I'm incredibly happy that I got to experience them.

interrail summer 2010

me, my sister & my cousin in Rome fall 2010

me & my team member of Protu 2010

my friend's party in May

graduation party in June

casual hanging with honeybunnies from school

the open doors of my high school in January

me with my sisters in Hong Kong in February

the cruise of a lifetime in January

... don't have words for this

I'm superhappy that whatever happens, happens. And atleast I have my memories and know that there will be many more to come. The great friends last a lifetime, and that's why leaving is not that hard. Plus, there's always the coming back home :) so just be brave and yourself and things will trun out for the best. love you x

xox Minea

!!!!!!

I mentioned I'm trying to grow my sidecut, right? Well, my friends gave me the best idea ever - if I just toss my hair to the other side of my head and cut my bangs a bit differently, ta-dah, it becomes invisible !!! (or it shows a little bit and of course it seems like I have a lot less hair on the other side but whatever, almost :D) I'm just so happy that I look.. more normal now, it makes me so much less afraid of not fitting in when I finally get to México. This doesn't change who I am, so frankly I'm happy to do anything that makes me more comftrable and relaxed and focused on other things. :)

7 weeks & 1 day. I don't believe that 7 weeks ago it was May, and suddenly that's all the time I have left ! I just gotta try to make this the best summer ever, so I can leave with a whole bunch of memories and happiness ! :) México, you better be ready 'cause here I come !!!!

decisions, decisions

ksdjsfhhashkjgh 9 WEEKS LEFT. So, I had to make a few decisions.

1) My labret fell of in Belgium, and first I was pretty bummed out since I knew I couldn't find a new one before the trip ended, but eventually I started thinking that I honestly look a lot better without it :D and I guess it was just something I needed at the time I took it, now it just didn't felt like a part of me anymore, so actually I was pretty relieved.



2) I stopped shortening my sidecut and I'm gonna let it grow. The odds are that it won't grow back much during summertime (even though the sun and vitamin D are supposed to encrease hair growth), but if the hair on my head is just short, rather than really really short, I think it'll... well... help me blend in more. So we'll see what it looks like at the end of the summer. This is one decision I wish I would've made a lot earlier.

I kinda doubt it will grow back that much.......

So I made these decisions concerning my looks just so it would be easier to fit in. Growing up here I'm used to having more freedom to do stuff, change my looks, wear any type of clothes etc., but I know México is a more conservative country, and I'm a bit afraid that if I end up in an area in a small town or somewhere where people just aren't used to people who look like me, well... I just feel more comftrable going there and looking more natural. I'm not saying that I couldn't fit in as I am, but since I don't know that much about Mexican attitudes or culture ways, I think just looking more natural and "normal" makes me more confident about myself. I don't really mind, I already gave up vegetarianism for this, and after that, no sacrifice feels too much for me.

I just want this year to go as good and easy as possible. So I'm willing to do whatever it takes now so I'll be good and prepared. :) what are you guys up to?

Minea xx

...

Taidan loukata ihmisiä tahtomattani, kun puhun mun omista juurista. Viime postaukseen tuli pari kommenttia, joista haluan puhua.

"Välillä vaikuttaa siltä, kuin pitäisit suomalaisia ihmisiä huonompina vain siksi, koska he ovat _suomalaisia_. -- on hassua, että joku siitä huolimatta tuomitsee toisia semmoisen perusteella."

Okei, ihan ensimmäiseksi - anteeksi jos loukkasin jotakuta, mutta mua vähän turhauttaa, miksi ihmiset luulevat mun puhuvan heistä yksilöinä, jos puhun yleisellä tasolla. Sitäpaitsi mä en ikinä tuomitse tai tuomitsisi jotakuta kansalaisuuden perusteella - noista kommenteista huomaa vaan ettei niiden kirjoittajat oikeasti tunne mua. En mä tarkoita, etteikö suomalaisuudesta saisi olla ylpeä tai ettei tästä maasta saisi pitää, jos sanon, etten ITSE viihdy täällä. Siis mähän sanoin: "but then so many things are pushing me more and more away from Finland (not fitting in, cultural differences, temperament)" ja "i wish I could keep the people I have now, but in some place else" -- missä vaiheessa mä sanoin, ettei kukaan muu saisi viihtyä täällä? Voisiko joku etsiä ne kohdat, missä dissaan kaikkia suomalaisia tai suomalaista kulttuuria. Jos en itse viihdy jossain ei tarkoita, että olisin sanonut ettei kukaan muukaan saisi. Älkää käsittäkö mua väärin, en mä tarkoita sanojani pahalla.

Mä en myöskään ymmärrä, että jos mä sanoin että mulla on paljon suomalaisia kavereita (luonnollisesti), "in reality there are so many things in my life that I want to keep close to me (friends, freedom, boyfriend)", miksi pitäisin suomalaisia jotenkin huonompina. Mä en missään vaiheessa sanonut, että suomalaiset olisivat muiden alapuolella, huonompia ihmisiä yadada, siksi toivon että nyt ymmärrätte mitä hain takaa. Mulla on oikeus puhua mun blogissani siitä, etten viihdy mun nykyisessä asunmaassani, ihan niin kuin teilläkin on oikeus sanoa mulle, jos loukkaan tahtomattani. Mä en vaan ymmärrä, miksi jotenkin tosi monet tuntuvat ottavan sen niin henkilökohtaisesti, jos sanon etten tunne olevani suomalainen.

No niin. En mä tahdo loukata ketään enkä pidä itteäni ylempiarvoisena, päinvastoin. Ihmiset on erilaisia. Mä en dissaa ketään, joka iloitsee Suomen MM-kullan voitosta, jos muakaan ei dissaa kukaan siitä, etten mene Kauppatorille juhlistamaan sitä. Ihmiset on mitä on enkä näe, että luonne olisi kansalaisuudesta riippuvainen asia. Jos te ajattelette eri tavalla, niin ajatelkaa. En mä pakota ketään mun blogia lukemaan.

(tää ulkonäkö sekoilee mun koneen takii koittakaa kestää)

everytime we hear the whole word passing by i know that we're not crazy

(via Sara)

we spend all our time lying side by side
going nowhere, it's really something
gettin' busy doing nothing

We spend all our time running for our lives
going nowhere, it's really something
gettin' busy doing nothing

It's been a while that I actually wrote something here, so let's give it a shot!

A few weeks ago I had the first orientation of AFS about the exchange year, and ksdsfjkjsd it was so exciting !!!!!! after it I just felt like dying because I still have so many days (89) left here. It feels like too many mornings are still remanining, like too many days are left before I can just pick up everything and go. It's so funny, 'cause in reality there are so many things in my life that I want to keep close to me (friends, freedom, boyfriend), but then so many things are pushing me more and more away from Finland (not fitting in, cultural differences, temperament) so.. I wish I could keep the people I have now, but in some place else, but I guess I've just got to keep my head high and continue along the road and try to find new people and new adventures. :) I've been talking a lot with my boyfriend about this and it feels so weird that his life will continue the same, minus me.. it's the same thing in all my relationships. They still go to school or work, go partying in the weekends, shop at the centre and eat ice cream when it's warm. They talk about the same(?) things and laugh in the same way and are as close as ever, just without me.

But you know what, fuck it ! It's a sacrifice I know I'll have to make and that I truly am ready to make. I've been thinking about my exchange year, new experiences, new language and all new way of living since I was... oh god, 13? And I made a promise to myself, no matter what happens, I'm not giving it all away. Everything I have here is enough for me now, but I still want more, I want to see what I can do and what I can handle and who I can meet and... my thoughts are a pretty big mess now, I know I just want to _leave____already. Get me outta here please!!!!

Maybe I'm a bit too dramatic :D honestly, I love my life, I love my friends, I love my school, I love my family, I love my boyfriend (♥). I make it here. But I want more. I want to meet people who aren't afraid of touching and letting people in, I wanna be happy when the country I live in wins in a sport, I want to live somewhere and be proud of it... to me it's such a weird thought to be proud of being Finnish. There's not one Finnish bone in my body, This culture, this country is simply not for me. So I want (need) to find out what is. What's there waiting. What will I find. So we'll see how everything goes ;)

- Minea

weekends in bed, no scramble eggs, or bacon
i just have time for you
backs on the grass, heads in the clouds, we closed our eyes
enjoy the view

astronautti

en pelkää mitään
en pelkää mitään enempää
kuin että saavun perille

maailma pysähtyy ja ymmärrän
on kaikki ollut
kuin värjättyä vettä

(images)

sun goes down along with you

For two years I've been reducing meat, chicken & fish and about 8 months ago I gave them up completely. Not eating any of the three became a huge part of my personality pretty quickly, it was a way to express my love for non-violence, peace &harmony. But now... I leave to México in 4,5 months and there I have no choice, I HAVE to eat meat. I've been speaking to natives and locals and they say that meat is a regular part of the Mexican diet. But even if it wasn't, going to live to another family and refusing to eat what they cook or demanding them to cook differently for me is something I don't want to do. So... today was the first time I tasted meat again, I had turkey and... I don't even know anymore.



I hate the taste of meat, I hate the texture of meat, I hate the whole fucking idea of eating something that has lived for nothing else but ending up on my plate... I hate the way the animals are treated and how the meat industry packs it full of extras and grease and salt and sugar and everything... I hate the whole idea of eating something that was once alive, and that its life was taken away just so I could eat it. And... I don't know if I'm making too much of a deal out of this, but I feel like something important's been stolen from me. Like eating turkey would mean that I'm swallowing all my opinions and values with it, like nothing matters anymore. Sucks, right?


I've just gotta keep my head up and remember that forcing myself to eat meat for the sake of respect to the (still non-existing) family will take time and it doesn't change who I am, but... when something so big changes, it takes a while before I can adapt to it. That it's OK to eat meat, especially in México where most of the animals have lived free. But now I'm still only getting used to it and it's much much harder than expected. But, it'll come around... I don't know, do you guys have anything you've had to given up for different reasons? I wish I could talk to someone who knows what I'm going through. :D right now I feel everytime I swallow a chuck of meat I swallow a part of myself along with it.



i hope you feel the way i do
i hope you give yourself up too
i meant to give myself up too
what have i done to fall so hard for you