PUMP IT!

I'm gonna tell you about the coolest thing of my exchange year.

I feel like I used to have a lot of problems. Just a bunch of stupid things I kept carrying with me for no good reason. I guess sometimes I kinda thought that being sad was somehow "cool" - I mean, you get attention, everybody sees you like a hero if you survive much pain, etc etc. Stupid stuff like that. I considered my last year, the first year of high school as the best year of my life, well, up until I got here, right... hehe. But I know that deep down I was ignoring what was really there, something kinda misty that needed to be resolved.

When I got here, it kinda exploted all. Being forced to a whole new EVERYTHING basically left me all alone - all that could help me were my own thoughts and attitude. And well, when all that's left is your personality, you get to see pretty well all the flaws you have. Especially now that time has passed, I can see clearly what I've been doing the last years, and why I've been acting as I acted. I don't feel the need to think or act that way anymore, which is pretty cool, gotta admit it.
But I guess I've always known I'm sort of 'special', now I see really well why I never got used to living in Finland, why I've always wanted something MORE. So I just want to talk a little about silly Mexican stuff that I think is cute and cool and.. well, just plain different. Getting to experience all of this stuff is pretty damn awesome.

I already talked about food.. something that I really like is the way people communicate. For example, I live in a small town - everybody knows me. And I do mean EVERYBODY. Since Mexicans have a habit of being "chismosas" (=they have a pretty big mouth at times.. hehh) I don't even wanna know what stuff they talk about me.. So anyways, when I meet new people, usually their reaction is "oh yeah I've seen you at __ with __ and you were wearing ___". Creepy..... but anyways, we always end up talking about who knows what (and actually I never get bored when people ask "What's Finland like! What does snow feel like! How do you live in the cold!"). The people are really open and friendly and NICE and it's so easy to talk to them about basically everything. Of course I've gotta be careful what I say to who but oh well ;) anyways, the people are super nice. I think I've never felt as comftrable around people as I do know. I still remember how everything was more complicated in Finland, or I felt like I needed to "hide" parts of my personality - I've always been loud, I laugh a lot, I like physical contact etc., and this stuff is more normal and acceptable in México than I feel it never was to me in Finland. Here we laugh and scream and joke all day all night, which is super cool, something I think I've kinda been missing on. To just be yourself and know you will be accepted as you are, no matter who you're with.

yes, I am a giant...

I really like the Mexican culture and the people and could write all day long about them. But I guess I could talk about some little differences I've noticed. Boring or not but it's all a part of the experiene no..

First of all, there are absolutely no traffic lights. Instead, there are these silly bumps in the road that make the cars go slower as they pass them by. This basically means that there's no unnecessary waiting at the traffic in the red lights, you can just go and drive as you wish and slow down at these bumps. The bus trips are absolutely crazy, you basically bump up&down all the time. But I know it's something I will really miss!!

Second of all, people. Don't. Recycle. EVER. This is a real heartbreaker. All the trash ends up in one plastic bag which you throw in your yard/garage/wherever and wait for the truck to pass by. It comes really early, like 8am, and you have to hand the trash over to them, and they put them all into one huge mountain of trash. :((( there's really no chance to start recycling, which sucks, since everything has a lot of plastic - in the supermarkets there are people working as "baggers", and they might put just 2-3 items in one bag, so people leave the place with a bunch of plastic bags when it wouldn't be really necessary.. oh well, what can one do though..
The stoves work with gas - or you light them with a match or you press some buttons and they light up. The gas car also passes by and the men are knocking on the barrels so you know that they're coming. Then you just open your door and ask for gas. Simple right?
There's also no clean water, you need to buy those barrels of 20litres. Also sold by cars (and sometimes some little shops).

Of course I live in the South, this may be really different in the Northern part, who knows. Anyways, I'm falling in love with this place. Honestly, there are so many places to go, things to see, people to meet, and.. I don't know, it's so easy to just be happy. I think I'm gonna stay here. One of the reasons I even wanted to go on exchange was to see if maybe there's a place that feels more like home, and I think I found it!! So yeah, that IS the coolest thing that could've happened to me. Forget the places and the people, discovering (or more like creating) who you are is the coolest thing in the world.

Thank you México for all these crazy adventures, and it's not over yet (y)

This is what I looked like with other exchange students 6,5 months ago.

This is what I looked like with other exchange students 1 mont ago.

Friends :--) (los quiero mucho)

And that's me (quelle suprise!!).

I don't if this post had a point :D I just wanted to write about this stuff, it feels important to me right now. After the first rough mounts I finally did start living my life as I wanted to, and it makes me happy. I've learned and grown so much it's hard to recognize the girl I used to be. Now I'm redder (hahah), thinner, more confident, more "street smart" I guess, more.. I don't know. More.. a lot of stuff. And I'm happy, since I still think if I would've stayed in Finland, I'd still be living as I used to be. Kinda broken inside I guess. But now it's all gone and I can just be here and ENJOY :) thank you México you are a lifesaver !

Peace&love,

Minea

no me arrepiento de nada que hice ayer

yo no puedo prometer un "por siempre",
ni siquiera sé si puedo un "hoy" ..
todo lo que diga esta noche olvídalo

soñaré contigo si puedo dormir
las noches son largas desde aquel día
en el que te conocí..

I think I've been writing too little about why I ever choce México as my host country and what makes me fall more and more in love with it, every step that I go. So, I'm gonna tell you about some of the great things I'm experiencing!! I want to share a piece of this amazing culture that's stealing my heart, step by step..

I'm gonna be boring though and start with food!!!!

tacos

enfrijoladas

tlayuda

The last one is something that's authentically from Oaxaca, the state I'm living in. But they make it especially here at the coast. Basically, it's a special kind of tortilla, I'm not sure what it's made of (corn I guess), and they put on top of it a liquid made of black beans, salad, meat and cheese. Then they put it on the grill and either leave it open like that or turn it, so that it closes. It's so delicious, when I was living in the restaurant I was basically eating this everyday. Everything is so fresh and well prepared that.. well, it's irresistible, let me say that !

Basically, here the basic ingredients are repeated with every food; beans (usually, they put them in a pot and make them liquid), tortilla (you put the actual food inside it), avocado (one of the most expensive things in Finland....), cheese.. and one thing that I really like is that nobody uses a knife&fork!! This I found really weird the first times I was working as a waitress with my (ex)parents. Tlayudas, tacos, everything is eaten by hand, but also food like meat, fish, salad.. you grab it with your hand and put it inside the tortilla and eat it happily. I never would've known how to eat a piece of meat without a fork&knife if I would've come here :p but I prefer eating by hand, it might sound gross, but seriously everything tastes better that way!!!!!!

The weirdest things I've eaten without even noticing..

tacos de cabeza (=tacos made of PIG/COW HEAD)

mondongo (=soup made of SHEEP STOMACH)

chicharròn (=deep-fried PORK SKIN)

Yeah.. luckily everybody told me AFTER EATING what I was actually eating :D but hey, I survived, and they turned out to be pretty tasty, when they are well prepared. Chicharrón is pretty good with spicy salsa of tomatoes, or as potato chips :p, &ok well I'm still not used to the texture of the stomach but the tacos are pretty good!! Geesh.. and to think a year ago I was crying about having to eat turkey, as I was a vegetarian. How things can change, right?.. hehe..

So yeah, the food is pretty good. And everywhere I've been I've eaten so tasty, to me the worst nightmare will probably be having to return to my high school in Finland, the food is so terrible :( but anyways I do't know what's happening.. I eat really good, I mean really good, but I've been losing a ton of weight. Soon I'll have been here 6 months and I've lost.. geesh, I thik 8-9kg? With that food?? Dafuq is wrong with my body?????

But yeah. I've also gotten to see some pretty awesome cities..

valle de bravo

puerto escondido

oaxaca

..everytime I leave my city, I see more and more of the amazing beauties México has. It's something I seriously can't even describe, you should come and see it yourself, you just can't believe the stuff you see.. I've learned so many things in these 6 months, everything from washing my clothes&the dishes by hand, how to cook, how to clean, simple stuff like that. (Since I am a woman, my hostmom says I have to learn this stuff, so that I will make my future husband happy one day. Not commenting anything..) But it goes beyond that - after the first months that were so hard, seriously, so freaking hard even I have no idea, I learned how to snap myself out of it. I don't stress about meaningless stuff anymore - what's the worst that could happen?

I mean, so what if I don't know at what time the people show up at school (I don't enter 7am anymore THANK GOD)? It's one morning of my life. Or so what if a person who said will call never does? It's one phone call, people have other stuff to do too. I see no point in stressing out of stuff, stuff that's so little and meaningless. I live in a country I'm still only getting to know with people who don't know anything about my past, so it's a hell of an opportunity to learn more about myself! or not just that, actually to decide what I want to be like. And learning that if I sacrifice for example some part of my behaviour, I'm not sacrificing myself. I'm still the same person I was as a vegetarian, though now I like the taste of meat. I've changed, but only for the absolute better. That's why I say I don't regret at all leaving, so far it's been the best desicion of my life (it's the only thing that's let me free of many stupid things in my past).

This picture is kind of an inside joke.. but you get the point:)
All this is also thanks to all the amazing people I've met, everyone from my new sisters..


...or brothers..



...or anybody I've ever met on my journey. It's been one hell of a ride and I still feel like I'm only just beginning.
So there you go. I'll try to be more active with my riding. But to anybody who's reading this with doubts of doing this, I say: DO IT. You won't regret it. Or have you ever heard anybody call their exchange year a mistake?
Peace&love,
Minea xoxx
no me arrepiento de nada que hice ayer
me arrepiento lo que pude haber hecho,
haber dicho y ya no podría hacerlo jamás

see the difference?

I thought it might be fun to post some pictures to show the change of 5 months in México.

summer 2011

spring 2011

autumn 2010

five minutes ago

Can you see the difference?

Off to the centre >>

2011

I think this blog is getting way too sad. I don't wanna do that anymore, cause I'd hate to give somebody a bad impression of an exchange year.

Because as hard as it sometimes may be and as many problems may come, even when I feel like I'm drowning, there's always something to hold on to. There's always something. And let me say, this is the _only way that you can see everything you've failed in your past. And get the chance to redo everything in your future.

I feel like I've reached a breaking point. On one hand, I've been for over four months "alone" now, without my parents and sisters to lean on to. I've had to create all new friendships and family relationships and find out who to trust and what to say. But that's the coolest thing. 'Cause it's given me the chance to see how broken I've really been in the past, even throughout this whole year, that has seemed to be one of the toughest ones yet. But never the less, here I am, all because of everything I've been through.

I don't believe in regretting, I think it's pointless. I also don't believe in.. missing people too much, I mean I think a little bit is fine (feels like a little bit is always there). I don't want to waste energy into thinking or creating problems. And this stuff is something that I have learned here.

This is picture is from last New Year's Eve. Hmm. I think I was pretty happy at the time, but also.. oblivious? I don't know if it's the word I'm looking for. As in, I was about to realize I had problems inside of me, somewhere veeeeeery deep, but I never really acknowledged them or wanted to waste my energy into solving them. I think it was pretty dumb, after all, but I wanted to focus on partying and having fun and the good in life.

<

A lot of partying........ at this time I also started my first serious relationship, yay! I don't wanna get too into this (not sure if thinking about it much is a good idea since it ended as it ended), but it also made an effect on me. Of course. Everybody saw the difference :D. Hahahah. But this was a fun time. (I actually lifestyle blogged a bit about this period of my hihg school year. It was superfun, most of the stuff I miss is from this time..) Parties, friends, staying out, nightlife, cruzing, laughing, stuff like that. Happy times.



All kinds of good stuff happened to me. End of winter, spring, summer. It was so easy to be happy, seemed like I could see evertyhing so clearly, and that I didn't have any problems to focus on. But the truth was, well, that there was still something wrong. I was really happy and enjoying life, but there were the random screamings and bad moments, which I could never find a reason to. I think I was so overwhelmed with all the goodness around me I forgot that there might be bad stuff too, that I should get over with, in order to be really truly happy and.. more mature, I guess. Never the less, those bad moments didn't bother me. Now, seeing it all in the past, I get the reasons much better, and of course wish I had acted differently, but as I said, I don't believe in regrets. Let the past be the past and all I can do is do better in the present.



I actually don't have many pictures of summer. But I'll always remember it : ) gosh, I'm happy I reached the point in this year where remeniscing is good, it doesn't make me sad anymore. It was a lot of fun, until August, when the thought of the new, frighting, thrilling and exciting Mexico was waiting for me. And that I had to leave all of this behind me. How could I?!


I'm gonna be honest - at firs, I couldn't. Arriving here and immediately facing troubles with people I had never met before, experiencing new climate, new house, new family, new EVERYTHING, yeah, it hit me really hard. The first week I was here was.. so hard I can't even find a word for it! But I kept on going. I remember when I just wanted to lay down and cry for feeling so hopeless, I wiped my tears away and forced a smile on my face. And I kept on smiling, until it felt natural again. And pushed and pushed the negativity away.(don't get the wrong image -- I am not a maneater :DDD)


Yeah, I did feel pretty lost for a while. But then I got closer with my classmates, my neighbours, my brothers, everybody who was around me. I grew up. And I said no. To myself. I don't wanna sound like a crazy person, but lots of lovely things happened to me and throughout these stuffs I learned that my head is my own worst enemy, but that I am the only one who can control it. I am the only one who can decide who I want to be. _I_ am the only one responsable for my behaviour. And after acting like a stupid child the last times, that was it. When I shook off the past and said fuck you problems. I learned that happiness is only depending on me. I am the only person standing in front of it. Weird, right? After that, everything got clearer. And this year got the push I had been looking for. After that.. one word. WOW.



Now, I'm really happy and proud of myself. For not giving up and understanding situatuions and trying to be a better person. Honestly, I feel like this New Year is going to be as happy as the last one, but now I see what I used to be blind to. I now I'm not perfect, nobody is, but as one friend said, maybe being perfect means having it all. The good and the bad. And all these people alone are a good enough reason to stay happy.

I don't know if you get any of this, I think I mainly wrote this stuff so I wouldn't forget this feeling. 'Cause yeah, there are still times when I think why the hell did I ever leave for this am I crazy, but I know all will be OK. Since I learned that the best way to predict the future is creating it:)

Not everybody gets to experience half the stuff I have. Not everybody gets to see the huge Buddha of Hong Kong, go through Europe with a train, live with a sister in Rome, swim in a Oaxacan lake, meet the people I've met, work in a restaurant, get five phonenumbers instead of tip (goddamn you guys I want your money not your number!!!! hahahaha), eat tummy soup (yumm....no), meet a Cuban man and not understand his accent, search for tortillas at the market and get sent to the shoe section, and.. I know I'm really happy right now, with who I am. It's something I didn't have for many many years. I'm still so young that it feels funny talking about these kinds of stuffs, but yeah, experiencing new cultures and new people really helps realize the different sides of yourself, too. And ot understand that sometimes it's ok to be mad, angry, sad or hopeless, or just have the guts to cry your heart out. But what I've learned is that getting up afterwards may be harder, but it's the only way to live a happy life.

I hope you guys have a happy New Year. Best of luck&wishes to everything. I already know what I am going to wish :)...... (more chocolate hahahhaha)

Love you guys.

Minea xox

todo lo que hago lo hago por ti

eres como una mariposa,
vuelas y te posas, vas de boca en boca,
fácil y ligera de quien te provoca
yo soy ratón de tu ratonera
trampa que no mata, pero no libera
vivo muriendo, prisionero

mariposa traicionera
todo se lo lleva el viento
mariposa, no regreso

ay, mariposa de amor,
mi mariposa de amor
ya no regreso contigo
ay, mariposa de amor,
mi mariposa de amor
nunca, jamás, junto a tí

vuela amor, vuela dolor
y no regreses a un lado
ya vete de flor en flor
seduciendo, a los pistilos
y vuela cerca del sol
pa'que sientas lo que es dolor

***

como quisiera poder vivir sin aire
como quisiera poder vivir sin agua
me encantaría quererte un poco menos
como quisiera poder vivir sin tí

pero no puedo, siento que muero,
me estoy ahogando sin tu amor
¿cómo pudiera un pez nadar sin agua?
¿cómo pudiera un ave volar sin alas?
¿cómo pudiera la flor crecer sin tierra?
cómo quisiera poder vivir sin tí..

***

iba caminando por las calles empapadas en olvido,
iba por los parques con fantasmas y con ángeles caídos,
iba sin luz, iba sin sol, iba sin un sentido, iba muriéndome
Iba volando sobre el mar con las alas rotas

Ay, amor, apareciste en mi vida y me curaste las heridas
Ay, amor, eres mi luna, eres mi sol, eres mi pan de cada día

apareciste con tu luz,
no nunca te vayas, no, no te vayas no

eres la gloria de los dos, hasta la muerte

en un mundo de ilusión,

yo estaba desahuciado,

estaba abandonado,
vivía sin sentido

pero hoy llegaste tú

ay, amor, tú eres mi religión,
tú eres luz, tú eres mi sol,
abre el corazón, abre el corazón

hace tanto tiempo, corazón,

viví en dolor y en el olvido,
ay, amor, eres mi bendición, mi religión,

eres mi sol que cura el frío...

***

como puedo yo borrar tus besos, vida?
están tatuados en mi piel...
quiero de una vez por todos
ya largarte y borrarte de mi ser

ojalá la lluvia me ahogue entre sus brazos
para no pensar en ti
o que pase un milagro,

pase algo que me lleve hasta ti

ojalá se me olvidará hasta tu nombre,
ahogarlo dentro del mar
ojalá que tu sonrisa de verano
se pudiera ya borrar...