en pelkää mitään
en pelkää mitään enempää
kuin että saavun perille

maailma pysähtyy ja ymmärrän
on kaikki ollut
kuin värjättyä vettä


sun goes down along with you

For two years I've been reducing meat, chicken & fish and about 8 months ago I gave them up completely. Not eating any of the three became a huge part of my personality pretty quickly, it was a way to express my love for non-violence, peace &harmony. But now... I leave to México in 4,5 months and there I have no choice, I HAVE to eat meat. I've been speaking to natives and locals and they say that meat is a regular part of the Mexican diet. But even if it wasn't, going to live to another family and refusing to eat what they cook or demanding them to cook differently for me is something I don't want to do. So... today was the first time I tasted meat again, I had turkey and... I don't even know anymore.

I hate the taste of meat, I hate the texture of meat, I hate the whole fucking idea of eating something that has lived for nothing else but ending up on my plate... I hate the way the animals are treated and how the meat industry packs it full of extras and grease and salt and sugar and everything... I hate the whole idea of eating something that was once alive, and that its life was taken away just so I could eat it. And... I don't know if I'm making too much of a deal out of this, but I feel like something important's been stolen from me. Like eating turkey would mean that I'm swallowing all my opinions and values with it, like nothing matters anymore. Sucks, right?

I've just gotta keep my head up and remember that forcing myself to eat meat for the sake of respect to the (still non-existing) family will take time and it doesn't change who I am, but... when something so big changes, it takes a while before I can adapt to it. That it's OK to eat meat, especially in México where most of the animals have lived free. But now I'm still only getting used to it and it's much much harder than expected. But, it'll come around... I don't know, do you guys have anything you've had to given up for different reasons? I wish I could talk to someone who knows what I'm going through. :D right now I feel everytime I swallow a chuck of meat I swallow a part of myself along with it.

i hope you feel the way i do
i hope you give yourself up too
i meant to give myself up too
what have i done to fall so hard for you