ONE MONTH

What's life in here like?

magic, happiness, laughter, español,

dancing, smiling, walking, running,

giggling, kissing, studying, caring,

letting go, realizing, opening eyes

discovering, finding,

understanding (finally?)

Never have I ever been through so many emotions in one month - everything from homesick..ness, hopelessness, desperation, wishing, dreaming, hoping, wanting, craving, smiling, til the end of the absolute happiness you only find within.

So far, it's still been the best month of my life, through it all.

Minea xx

this is the way that i say i need you

this is the way that i say i'm yours

and the boys go on

"How many languages do you speak? FOUR?? How is it possible to know so many??"

"You've been to Asia and Africa? Honestly? I've never left my country."

"What's it like in an airplane?"

"It's so cool to talk to you, I've never met anyone from another country!"

Being European.

Because I was born in Finland, yes, I've studied manymany languages in school.

Because I was born in Europe, my family has money to travel to the other side of the world, and back.

Because I am North European, of course I've been to an airplane, who here hasn't?

It is unfair. Just because I was born in Europe I can do all this. And just because my friends weren't, they can't.

Why does the place where we born give us such limits? Why do people have to have different opportunities in life just because of where they were born? Nobody chooses to be born somewhere. It... just happens(?). And still I feel like I've been so priviledged, I have seen many places, I've done many things, I've bought stuff most of my friends have never heard of.. and wherever I go, I always have the label in my forehead. European. Rich. Has opportunities most people only dream of. Has to work 10 times less to reach the same goals.

Sometimes, some people (not everyone, of course not) treat me differently because of my roots. There are people who think it's the greatest thing ever and who come to me saying how jealous they are of everything I've been able to do and learn and see. Wishing they'd had the chance to do the same. I don't know how I should react to this, when we finish doing homework and my friends start speaking, 'why are there people in this country who get to eat whatever they want, but we have to eat the same food from yesterday for breakfast'. What can I say, except that I will never know what it means to be poor like that? (Poor in money, rich in culture, why does it have to be this way?) That just because I was born in Finland I can, no matter if I will or not?

That's the thing. I can't even explain how complicated and torn I feel. I know that I am one of the very few ones in this world who have the chance to do what I want, or even choose to do aboslutely nothing and still survive through the day. But why me? What did I ever do to 'deserve' the title of being European and surrounded by opportunities? My point here isn't saying that Europeans are the best and everyone else sucks, I hope you get what I'm saying. I just think it's unfair that I've met the most beautiful people of this world here, who still will never have the same opportunities as me, no matter how much they work for them.

Yes, I am lucky. But why? Why me? Why us? Why does it have to be this way? My head is just.. really confused. Wherever I go, I'll always be the blonde, the tall one, the European, when all I want is to fit in, to feel Mexican. Thanks to the people I do, but still there are things I will never truly understand. Just because I was born in Europe.

Thinking of this world makes my head spin. I have no idea what to say anymore. I hate racism, that's the main thing on my mind, I guess. Probably... but I love it here. That's the number one thing in my mind, the only feeling in my heart that matters. Don't worry:) (if this post brought ANY thoughts into your head, please share them with me, I'd love to hear what you guys think too. Am I alone with this?)

and there's gold

falling from the ceiling

from this world

(but who decides who gets to catch it?)

Minea x

happiness hit her like a train on a track

Heyy,

I thought I should make a more organized post for my unorganized thoughts:D so enjoy while I talk about these two (!!!) first weeks in here.

The city. As I said, it's a relatively small town with about 70 000 inhabitants - at first I was kinda scared about it since I've always been a big town girl (:D ahaha), but actually it's way better this way - all my friends live pretty near the centre, I can go to school with just one bus AND I can walk in the streets alone. Not that I like doing things alone, but it's great that I can go home alone and to the city alone and don't always have to be picked up from everywhere. I can go shopping or running or to the gym alone, and it makes me really happy, that I can go do things and not just be inside the house :) plus my hostmom is kind of a celebrity in Juchitán so I always have to greet everyone I meet on the streets because I've probably been introduced to them and I don't want to be rude :D ...

Family. Today I finally met my hostsister Shunashi who lives in Tuxla - great! Most of the time I hang out with my hostbrother Fernando, just because his girlfriend and their kid live in here only in the weekends and my parents have to sleep in the afternoon. I have great communication and trust with them, they trust me (ie they let me go to Ixtepec, a city near here ALONE with the 30minute bus, which was pretty awesome concidering how little time I've been here!!), and next Friday I'm going to Tuxla to live at my hostsister's and another hostbrother's house with Fernando, so yay :)! I really like the family, I trust them and they trust me and I like talking to them. Plus they help me alot with my Spanish which brings me to...

Language. Yes, I speak Italian at home, which helps me so much when it comes to understanding, but suprisingly it helps me a lot in learning new words and grammar too. I already speak Spanish with my family and at school, and I still (naturally) stutter and ask questions but hey atleast they get what I'm saying:) I don't need to use any English, so I guess I'm a little "ahead" of other exchange students, but I don't see it as a negative thing, it only makes communicating and making friends so much easier. So I'm happy:)

School. My school is called CONALEP (Colegio National del Educación Tecnica... or something), it's about 15km away and my class speciality is... *drumroll* INFORMÁTICA !! Which means... computers. No, I am not kidding (anybody who knows me in real life knows I dont know anything about computers, I've managed to break one in the past :DDD...). My schedule has English, Maths and Physics, and... computer programming and managing the operative systems and basic security of computers. Yes. :DDD but I like it!!! I wouldn't like it as much if I didn't have such an awesome class I think! My class is pretty big and I know about half of the people in it, or atleast I hang out with them, and they're so cool and friendly and nice!!!!!! We've been out a couple of times and they help me a lot and we always have a laugh and !!! It's different than in Finland but I like it, I lovelovelove it, we do all different things and talk about different stuff and laugh at different jokes, which is afhfhfsk so very cool. Everyone's really interested about me and my home country and everything and they're supersweet:D I'm so happy they took me so well in the class, they're all so sweet I want to die. Not really. But you know.

Nationality. Ahh lovely:D I thought everytime someone asked me where I'm from I'd explain the whole Finland-Italy thing, just because it's really weird to say that I am just Finnish and that's it, but turns out here it's way easier to say that yeah, I'm from Finland, that's it. Most of the people have never heard of it so I don't really have to be scared of them thinking that I am like most Finns etc. because they don't know anyone else:D (I know this is a little chaotic I hope you get my point). Also the same thing happened here that happened to India, about being born in Europe, how it affects people when you leave Europe and start talking about it. But I'm gonna talk about that later now I've gotta go..

Anyways I'm doing really really good:) I'm not that homesick anymore and I feel like I can just start enjoying this awesome year. I can't wait to see what it holds!!!!!!!!!

:) Minea xx